It's all about consistency

In the spirit of updating my online journal on a regular basis I will only write in this every 8 months...or whenever the hell I get around to it again. A lot has changed as of March. One thing that hasn't changed is my hatred for Starbucks. I as a former employee who understands the ridiculousness what goes into each of those cups of black pyrite, and for the amount paid for coffee in this supply and demand world just doesnt seem right to me. After a whopping two months of working there i could no longer justify the fact that i was ripping people off by selling them roasted bean flavoring, hot water and sugar.
Anyways this not what i came back on here to talk about. As stated before much has changed since March. I have worked at a restaurant and an art studio. And now I've found myself in what i think is my field of choice. Autism. I work with autistic and emotionally disturbed children. I have worked in this position for almost six months now which sadly is the longest ive worked somewhere in the last three years. Every time i talk to people about this its hard for me to explain why i love what i do. I work independently with a child who is one of the interesting kids I've ever met. Now although he cant count to 20 or regularly recognize all the letters in the alphabet, he has the most interesting thought process i have ever seen. Because of his autism and OCD he has quite the routine. Everyday he moves objects to particular places, touches certain objects, collects seed pods and leaves, and must always have a rock to carry around. He stims while bouncing on an exercise ball and has the most wonderful smile a child could have. But those are his good days. I have wounds from his bad days. Scars and scrapes from his scratching, bruises from his kicks and stained shirts from his spit and mucus. I am saddened when i see him like that but i also understand that when he has a sensory overload that his screaming and banging of his head or feet is the way he has learned to cope. Technically i am on a one on one teacher but the majority of my teaching is behavioral. We do spend time in academics but i'd give it only thirty percent. The challenge of this job is what keeps me coming back. And its also something ive never had in any of my many other jobs. This is why i do what i do.
As if working with children like this wasn't enough, we also have the ever-present workplace issues. But this is a topic for a different time. there is too much on my plate to attempt to figure out what the hell im going to do. I love my job and yet I hate my job.

On a completely unrelated note this page might turn into where my artwork goes. Assuming i ever create new work.

Breaking the mold.

So its been far too long, but after the events of tonight, I felt compelled to share with my friend the keyboard. So in accordance with the title of this page, Thoughts, Philosophies, and Faith, I thought this would be a good topic to share.

Since I've moved back home ive been checking out a couple churches mostly to meet some new people, hopefully with the same mindset as me but also to find a place that challenges the attendees. let me tell you, its been fairly disappointing. Ive been checking out a vineyard church for the last couple of weeks mainly because ive been going to a vineyard church off and on for the last 3 years. Anyways so the first day i show up at church i get a flier handed to me about a, for lack of a better term, focus group. well a focus group session with some worship thrown in there. anyways that was two weeks ago and the 'focus group" event was aimed at reaching 'our generation' and asking why there is a huge gap in any given church between highschool and forty year olds. so the event was tonight and i figured id go down there and check it out. so i threw on a sweatshirt, hopped on my bike and rode down there. of course i thought nothing of it at the time but when i got there i took off my sweatshirt, started talkin with some of the folk and you know carrying on and whatnot. But i had noticed one thing. it seemed like the people i talked to were very polite, you know the average what school do you go to talk. whats your major all that BS but some reason they were apprehensive. I thought nothing of it, mainly because a lot of the people who were there knew each other and i was the new kid. so later on we get into groups and start talking about how we can change the church to become more relevant to people our age, and what we thought the church should look like to our generation because something clearly wasnt working.

to be honest im not quite sure why i said this but at one point i spoke up amongst my table and said why dont we go out to the community instead of trying to get people to come to the church. why cant we bring the church to them is basically what i said. and some people agreed, but i also hinted on the stupidity of focus groups and planning meetings when all our efforts should be put towards making relationships and getting to know people before we blindly try to sell why we should get them into our churches. i just thought, and let them know this, that all i see out there amongst the churches ive been to is to get a group of people together to talk about why people our age arent coming to church. now it could be just me but that seems down right stupid to me.

so by the end of the night, i had come off as, well, i dont know but im pretty sure some didnt like what i had said. Also i had realized that i had been proudly wearing my duffy's tavern beer shirt quite proudly. After the discussion time we closed and the speaker began to thank those people who had planned the focus group and the event that night. It turns out three of them were sitting at my table. the way i see it, you've got to make some waves to see any change. it was easy for me to say those things because i didnt know anyone there. i dont know if i changed anyone's mind tonight, but i do know two things. one, i insulted some people, some with my shirt and some with my comments, and two, it provided a good chuckle all the way home on my bike ride back. now the question is do i go back to that church? i think i should, if anything just for the humor of it.

i promise to post on starbucks nation next time, really i do.....

Not angry, Passionate

Where do I start. Well lets just get right into it. I'm almost convinced that politics should be left to atheists. As a Christian, well, a follower of Jesus would be more accurate because it seems everyone is a "Christian" these days; I feel as if there is truly no point in trying to elect a "christian" leader. It seems ridiculous to assume that the most powerful man in the the world would be able to maintain a relationship with God while trying to make the rest of the world happy. Its fundamentally wrong to think that the president could do this. Its just down right ridiculous. Leave the politics to someone else, we cant rely on our government to change the world, we have to do it without them. Yes we may live in a society that is dictated by the governments but we can't just wait around for some one else to change the world. We have to take on that responsibility ourselves. Ive always despised the relationship that is always thought to be so damn important between religion and politics. I think arguing the two ideas together is a complete waste of time. And that's why this is all i will say about this particular topic. Just drop the subject, best way to change ideas, not talk about it right?
I'm also confused about why issues like stem cell research and abortion are such issues when it comes to politics and faith? I know the arguments behind both issues but why are these two such big focus points in the church community? And why does it seem like people begin to question your faith if you are pro choice, or in favor of stem cell research? Are people so jaded to think that if you're a christian you cant think this way? I'm sick of it. I only bring up the issue of these two topics because every day when i drive to work i drive past a billboard that has a picture of an infant with words along the lines of "God knew me before I was born" or something like that. And personally, i think that billboard isn't going to change any one's mind about abortion. It didn't change mine. Its almost as if they're trying to sell the cute baby to promote anti abortion thoughts. And that seems jaded to me.
Anyways while we are on the subject of faith, here's something I've been thinking a lot about lately. Evangelism. I know what the bible says about evangelism and its importance, but what I'm stuck on is the way its done. By that, i mean the way the Christian church attempts to evangelize. I'm not saying that its bad or wrong, but I'm just not convinced that the way its done is the best way to get people to become a christian. Oh god that sounds so cliche. I'm just not convinced that going out and talking to people about how faith can change their lives is the way to go. Jesus says decide, not go give people an ultimatum. It almost makes me sick to see the billboards and early morning christian talk shows that so blindly carpet bomb the world with their pro christian advertisements and ultimatums. It just seems so cheesy to me. I think that the church is hung up on this "lets go out and share the gospel with people by talking to them about our faith and how great it is" idea. I don't know where I'm going with this and i don't know the right way to do this but i just think the way its done now isn't working. It doesn't convince me and I'm already a christian, so why would it convince anyone else. And i also know that there are plenty of people out there living out the gospel instead of preaching it to others but i think the majority of Christians think that evangelism is this door to door believe or go to hell sales pitch, and i hate that. I guess it works for some but it just doesn't for me. and that's why i wont do that.

With this post I'm not trying to say you should think the same way as me but i do challenge you to think about these issues. Do something society tells us not to do, Think.

Other interesting topics for next time: Ethnocentrism as a form of Racism and a Starbucks Nation